I have noticed an increase in bugs. They are everywhere. This morning, I woke up to a spider staring me in my eye. No, I did not go poo poo in my pants. I was calm and then killed the bitch. ( I assume it was a girl spider) Mosquitoes are everywhere as my son can tell you. His face looks like a 15 year olds because of all the bites. My friends who attend football are being eaten alive. I swear they look smaller everytime I see them because the bugs are literally eating them. And I keep seeing stories about the bee's that just decided to hide for no reason.
Violence in the world seems to be at an all time high as well. Now, could this be because I am looking for signs of chaos? Is it because the journalists just decided to report about all the bad stuff? I don't know, but it is clear that violence is running rampant these days.
According to some ancient beliefs in some cultures, the world is going to end in the year 2012. This means we have a little over 3 years left here on earth. If you choose to believe this. I am not saying I do or don't believe. But if I did, I would be pissed off.
I want to watch my children grow up damnit. I want to write a book. I want to own a home and a car with a.c. in it. How am I supposed to do these things if the world will end? I would also like to have sex again before the world ends, but that is getting a little personal. I digress.
So, if this theory is true, I want a list of stuff to accomplish before 2012. Here is the couple things I have thought of so far. This is not just what I want for myself, but for the world.
THIS SHOULD HAPPEN BEFORE "KABOOM"
- Would someone please explain why Oprah is so damn popular? Why does everyone follow her like she is the all-knowing messiah sent here to save the world one book club, favorite thing, and dr. oz episode at a time? I just want to know why before I die.
- I would like to watch an execution of a child murderer. I would also like to pick the way in which that person will be executed. I do not want to perform the execution though.
- I want the world to smell better. Just for a day. Pass out a Yankee candle to everyone and make them burn it at the same time.
- Could everyone who owns a Lady GaGa cd, please throw them away.
- Message to the FBI: Please please tell us all your secrets.
- Everyone should receive a pass to amusement park of your choice for a day. Split it up so it is not too crowded.
- If the world is going to end, well, what is the point in school? Allow children to be released from school to spend the remaining time with family and friends.
- Jake- I will be free on Nov 25th, 2010. Meet me at my place.
- This is a personal request. Every first Monday of the month from now until world's end, is stay off the road day. For everyone. Except me. I get all roads just to myself.
- Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks. You can afford to give us all free coffee from now until the world's demise. Please put this into effect as soon as possible.
- Goodbye taxes! Hello sales prices everyday!
- No fighting, no looting, and no burning.
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2 comments:
A) The world isn't ending, we are being cycled out in order for a much smaller race to take over because we have failed... EPIC FAIL.
B) The 2012 thing is the Beginning of the new Reign...
C) I agree w/ all of your things you want (well except for jake, he can feel free to go to your place and skip mine).
Oprah is popular because she is the Biggest Insect on the planet. Problem w/ her is SHE"S AN IDIOT!!!! haha
This looks like I'm commenting on nick's comment, but I can't see another way to do it. Am I dumb?
Anyway, holy frickin funny, Batman! I'm with you on the candles. That is a brilliant idea. As for Jake, does this mean I only have until Nov 25th, 2010 to have him for myself? That might be enough time...I think.
Love this blog! I was originally intimidated when I saw what you were writing about, so I had to pace myself. Glad I did because I so needed it this morning!
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