Those darn kids

If most of you did not already know this, I am a single mother to 2 children and I have an angel in heaven. Also, I am currently a stay at home mother. I guess you would say that that is by choice, but really, I am looking for a job. Why would I look for a job when right now, unemployment is a great security blanket? Frankly, I cannot stand being a SAHM. Yes, I said it. I do not feel bad nor do I feel ashamed to admit that. I have to commend those mothers or fathers who choose to stay at home. You are saints in my book. How you do this on a daily basis without killing is amazing to me. Even more so if you are single.

Pop quiz hotshots! ( Name that movie) Lets say it is just you. You have to wake up at 6:00 to get your six year old fed, dressed, teeth brushed, out on the door, and on the bus. You have to do this while feeding, changing, and holding your 4 month old baby girl. In the first hour and half of your day, you are exhausted and ready for it to be over. You need your coffee but you know if you drink it, you will have to put it all on pause to make it to the bathroom. So you are doing all of the above while in a zombie like trance. What do you do?

Answer. You do not stop. You keep moving because if you stopped, you would surely fall down and not be able to move for quite sometime. I understand millions of parents do this everyday, but seriously, it is not easy.

I have to give my son credit. He is six and already wakes up to the alarm. ( I have my set for back up) He gets up, puts his clothes on ( I laid them out the night before), and then comes into my room. I really do not think I ever told him to do this. He just started doing it this year like he knew it would help me out. I love that kid. He also takes my mood into account most of the time and does not argue with me too much anymore. ( In the morning that is.)

The rest of my day consists of holding, feeding, changing, holding, feeding, changing, and amusing my baby girl. She does not like to be put down too much and being that she is only four months old, toys are not a concept to her yet. It is my job to amuse her. It is my job to make her happy all day. 24/7. MY job. I wanted that job, and I am glad I was hired to do it. But someone else was hired at the same time. Only he chose to not show up for it. ( Yes, I am calling it a job. Great line from a great movie. " Yeah, I call it a job, what do you call it? A CALLING?") There are many times during the course of a day when I think and even say out loud to myself, " Please somebody, take over for a little while." The concept of someone else feeding the baby while I get my son ready is foreign to me. The simple thought of going to the grocery store alone is a fantasy that rarely becomes reality. My friends and mother make those things happen for me sometimes, and I am forever grateful for that. However, my life is truly not about me anymore. This may sound selfish of me and really, it is. It does not matter that I am tired. It does not matter that a great band is playing Saturday night. I am not going because my kids need me. You want to date me? Great, find me a babysitter. I need a bra that isnt ten years old. That does not matter, your kids need winter clothes. That Starbucks coffee sounds good right? Think again. The baby needs baby wipes and that coffee costs more than 2 packs of baby wipes. You want to listen to your favorite music? Sorry, but Miley Cyrus is on and your kid will yell if you turn the station.

Single parent or not, our kids run our lives. It simply has nothing to do with you anymore. We breathe, eat, sleep, and live for them. Our needs are not our own. Our voice is not our own. Our beds are not our own. We cannot even go to the bathroom without a kid yelling at us through the door.

Would I give any of this up? Hell no. If you tried to take it away from me, I would go rabid on your ass. However, offer me 4 hours of peace and quiet, and I will jump up and down and wag my tail.

To end this, I must say that I aware this sounds mean. I love my children fiercely and there is no limit on how far I will go for them. Sometimes, I just miss loving me.