Laziness is a warm gun...

My level of laziness has reached a red alert status. I am so lazy, that slugs move faster than me these days. I do nothing fast anymore, which for me, is simply scary. I have always been quick to cook, clean, read, walk, talk, and think. Now, it takes me 5 minutes to make coffee, 10 minutes to think of something to say, and even longer to walk from the kitchen to the living room. I think that this has to do with the fact that I just don't care anymore. I will get there when I get there and if you don't like it, too bad for you.

There are days when the thought of getting out of bed so frightens me, that I watch my hair turn white right in front of my eyes. I would rather let those Gremlins sit on my head than go anywhere. Just to go 2 feet over to my neighbor's house is a chore. Getting the mail is even a problem. The mailbox is right outside my door. I really do not even have to leave the house. I just have to open the door. I don't want to open the door because after I do that, I will need a nap. I am like a 95 year old woman who talks very slow, says one sentence, and then sleeps for four hours afterward.

Now, to be fair, I am sick. All three of us are sick. I have been to the doctor's office 3 times in one week. Of course, they cannot do anything for us being that it is a viral infection. Apparently, those viral bitches of colds can kick your ass for as long as they want. Kinda like deadbeat dads. They can just not pay for as long as they what, and no one does anything. Oh, sorry. That came out of nowhere.

I act like a baby when I am sick. Which does not go over well with a 4 month old and a six year old. When mommy is crying and asking for someone to hold her, they kinda look at me like I am crazy. So, I try to act like the adult I am suppose to be. Now, who is going to bring me soup and juice?

I find it funny when I go to the doctor's and they say, " so what brings you here?" Well dumb ass, I am sick. No, really, I just wanted to sit here for hours and hang out in your waiting room because you have such pretty wallpaper. I am sick. Fix me now and stop asking dumb questions. I am smart enough to know how to tell you what is wrong with me and my kids. Now, you be smart enough to not ask such lame questions. You are a doctor!! Get with it! And please, stop telling to call if the symptoms get worse. What else would I do? Call my friend and ask her to watch my kids so I can go get drunk? Damn you.

Everyone looks at everyone else now with a hint of paranoia in their eyes. I know what they are thinking too. " Do you have that pig flu thing?" PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE! It is the H1N1 virus and it is just another strain of the flu. The flu kills people yes, but people get it all the time, and end up not going six feet under. ( who is thinking about natural selection right now other than me?)

I say that, but I was scared I had H1N1. Seriously. I got over it. You should too.

I need a good movie to watch. Something other than a movie about a blonde, who always gets the guy. Yes, she got the guy. Of course she did. Big fucking surprise. Did not see that one coming. You movie makers are so great. Please dear lord, let there be a movie out there that is actually worth my time and money.

Am I rambling? I think I am. Which means that I must end this now. Peace.