Hello World

I'mmmm bacckkkk! That's right people. I have decided to peek out from under my shell and share some words with you all. I have no particular agenda here so it will be a mashed potato like blog today.

I have some questions. First one is for the ladies. Men, you may want to skip this paragraph. It’s going to get gross. Okay women...Tampons. When you buy a box of tampons, you have to decide what size you want. This irritates me a tad. Maybe because I am a bigger shaped woman, but still. Why does it have to be plus and super plus? Why can't it be “a lot of blood" or” a river is literally flowing from your vagina"? I would not mind seeing that on tampon packages. Would you? Also, have you ever looked at and read the package? I did. And you know what??? They are expecting us to measure the amount of blood that is flowing!!!! Yes, they are. In grams no less. How exactly does one measure that? Please, if you know the answer, share with us. I would hate to be wasting valuable cotton by buying the wrong size for the amount of blood I am producing monthly.

***************MEN, IT IS NOW SAFE TO RETURN************************

I should talk about my kids a little. I talk about them all the time because that is all I really have going on in my life. My son is getting weirder every day. Of course I blame this on his father. He sounds like his dad, he looks like his dad, he talks loudly like his dad, so really, who else should I blame? There are times that I have to wonder if this is the child I gave birth to. Does he really need to talk so loud? Is that laugh even coming from a human? Does he realize he sounds like a girl when he whines? And what the hell is an eight year old whining for anyway? You watch TV, play your video games, play with your friends, shower every once in a while, and go to school. Is life really that hard for you? What are the children of today's society going to do when they actually are forced to enter the real world? I will tell you right now. They are going to melt. Like the Wicked Witch of the West. They will melt so fast they won't even have time to consider that what we told them as children is actually the truth. They have it so good right now. And before you ask, I am completely aware that I sound like my parents. I am aware and also a little appalled. They were right, I was wrong. Game over.

My daughter. She is a diva. A two year old, screaming, squealing, and yelling diva. If she wants my attention, she will scream, " MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY", for however long it takes me to respond. Trust me, I take my time too. She is darn cute and knows it. She uses it to her advantage every chance she gets. This is scary. Like I said, she is two. She is only going to get smarter. What tactics will she acquire with age? Lord only knows and that Lord better send some help my way. I have no idea how to handle that one.

Since it has been a while, I will update you on my latest likes and dislikes.

Dislikes:
1. I still dislike Lady GagGag
2. My job-I am happy to have one. I just hate it.
3. People that feel it is okay to drive slow for fun. WTF is that? Why? You enjoy wasting that $3.45 a gallon gas???!!!! Get a life and drive to it faster please.
4. Time. I cannot be the only who feels that a twenty-four hour day is too short right?
5. People who will not acknowledge that they are the one to blame for that rotten smell. If you did it, own it. I am not saying be proud of your stinky ass. But please, just admit you admitted that smell into the atmosphere.

Likes:
1. My coffee
2. Netflix. Whoever came up with it, I love you.
3. Random nice people. The ones who you do not know but decide they are going to remind you that there are still people in this world that want you to smile.
4. Facebook. I actually like and dislike Facebook. I like it because I can be nosy. I hate it because I can be nosy. Get it?

So that is all for now. I may be back soon or I may wait another year. Either way, Merry Christmas to all. (Yeah, I said it. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!)

-Kristen